Similarities Between Dating and Tech Interviewing…

Not too many people are privy to the recruiting process in the tech industry, but if you’ve ever gone on a date in the modern world… you may be more familiar than you think.

Many people talk about dating in the modern world as a game. If you ever ask why, they share themes that sound eerily familiar. With my career in technology over the last 5 years, I’ve seen many similarities with the “recruiting game” and the “dating game.” Here are a few of them.

Social Media

Long gone are the days of people walking into an office with your resume to apply to a job. While this still happens, people are increasingly meeting new companies online with platforms like Linkedin. This same phenomenon seems to happen more and more in the dating world. If you talk to most couples over a certain age, they probably met in person. But similar to the job market, online dating is taking over as a primary way of meeting people to date.

Everyone who uses online resources to get jobs or dates knows that the profile is king.

On platforms like Linkedin, candidates are trying to give off an appearance that they are very talented, have relevant experience, and move in a professional way. Recruiters do their searching for certain key terms and based on how your profile looks, they’ll reach out to you because they think you might be a good candidate for the company.

The same thing happens with platforms like Instagram. We post pictures, stories, and texts to share a glimpse of who we are as a person. Instead of vetting based on work experience and professionalism in the work world, people may vet based on appearance and your overall “vibe.”

Of course we all know that social media can never say exactly who someone is a person or an employee. This is why it’s usually only used as 1 factor of many to lead up to the next stage: vetting.

The Vetting

This is the stage where you really get to prove yourself to the company, or the person you’re taking on a date. Unlike popular belief, this is actually a 2 way street. You may have read my last article about the technical interview here. There I talk about how you actually get to learn about the company you’re interviewing with as they try to learn about you. Whether you’re interviewing or dating, here are a few things you may learn in the vetting stage.

• Respect for time — On that date or interview, usually there’s a time and a place set. Creating a good first impression is always a plus and when someone comes late, it can be very telling. If you go late to an interview as an interviewee, this can really hurt your odds of getting a next interview (even if you have a good reason). When the interviewer comes late, it can come off as very unprofessional and may make the interviewer take you less seriously. On dates we observe these things too. Coming late to a date just sets the wrong tone. It makes people think you don’t really value their time and can lead to there being no next date.
• Rapport — Both the interview and the date involves questions and conversations. When in an interview, the interviewer represents the company and a potential coworker. In the date, the person you’re dating represents a potential significant other. If the chemistry and flow of the conversation is off, folks will walk away thinking it may not be a good fit.
• Values — Many of the questions asked during the vetting stage are to understand the values and the mentality of the individual. Questions like: “Why are you looking for a new job” or “Why are you single” are common in the vetting stage. Depending on the answer, the values of an individual can become evident. The only wrong way to answer this type of question is by lying!

Rejection

It never feels good to get rejected. You might think you were charming or got a really optimal solution on that technical problem, but sometimes it just doesn’t work out. Here are a few commonalities that occurs here.

• Self doubt — After a couple interviews with a company or dates with an individual, you might think things are going well. But when you get that rejection message, it can be be a blow to your ego. You know your worth and can’t believe someone else can’t see it. But often times behind the ego, you may have made some mistakes. Learn from them and apply those learnings in the future.
• Ghosting — “Ghosting happens when someone cuts off all online communication with someone else without an explanation.” You might have experienced something like this in both the interview process or in dating. You go through 1 or 2 interviews/dates and then suddenly you don’t hear back from the person. Whatever the reason behind it, the most important thing is to not take it personally.

• “The Circle Back” — Sometimes you go on a few interviews or dates and for whatever reason you get rejected the first time around. On occasions, you’ll have someone “circle back” to you maybe months or years from then so they can interview you or date again. Maybe you still kept in contact on a social media app and they saw what you’ve been up to. Maybe they really did like you, but the circumstances at the time weren’t right. Whatever the reason, a rejection can always turn-around. It’s personally happened to me in dating a bunch and actually, my first full time gig at Etsy happened just like this. I got rejected when I first applied and about 6 months later after I completed an internship with another company, they slid in the dm’s again.

Did I miss any of the commonalities? Do you disagree? Let me know in the comments below. Thank you!